so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
