I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
