Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
