So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
