If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
