I need help removing her.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Two words: blizzard sex
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
