Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
