just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
