take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
