found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
