for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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