Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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