nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
