just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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