Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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