I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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