Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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