he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
