RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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