Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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