O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You are the jesus of drinking
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