Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
