Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
