im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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