I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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