He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
