i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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