if you like me you must not know who I am
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
