Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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