I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
