she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
