Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
