I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
