There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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