just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
