hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This toilet bowl is my home.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
