After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
