He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
A+ Viking dick
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
