I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
