finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
