90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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