Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
