no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
