I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
