we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
