Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
