Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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