i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
