I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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