What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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