sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
