why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
