I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
