omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
