I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
BRING THE BAGELS
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
