hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
